And if you look to your left, you'll see your first trimester waving goodbye...

I'm pretty sure that I expected a lot of different things with pregnancy; crazy demands for weird food from a seemingly possessed woman at 3am, the ever shifting tides of emotions producing such drastic waves, any surfer would be jealous, and the endless reassurance that comes with a rapidly expanding stomach. One thing I didn't expect is that it seems to be flying by. We are now at 14 weeks, practically 15 and the first trimester ends with not a bang, but with a blast of pickle juice infused air as it passes into the realm of "You know...it wasn't really that bad...".



So as most of you know, we are at the stage where you see the doctor about every four weeks, and this was the time we would be able to finally hear Peanut's heartbeat, so we were very excited! Going to see the doctor is always an experience and living up to her full potential, Jen (as always) provided me with way more material that I could ever cram into this blog. It begins immediately as she slaps my hand as I so stupidly try and read a magazine as we wait for our name to be called. "I can't believe you touched that!" "Do you have any idea how many germs there are in here?" And need I remind you this is my beautiful wife hissing at me like Kaa from the Jungle Book, NOT, my mother. Although both have mastered the art of what I like to call "Scolding with a Smile". It's that thing women do where they're yelling (or hissing) at you in public when you've done something stupid, yet appear to be smiling like nothing's wrong...you know the trick. So as I'm sitting there with a bruised ego (and wrist), mumbling under my breath some smart ass comment about how YES, I actually do know how many germs there are here, our name is called. For those of you who have never been to a visit like this, it can be a bit overwhelming.



First of all, don't think of this area behind the waiting room door as a safe one. Consider it more like a battleground, full of not just your pregnant wife, but many, many more. Treat all of them like you would a dominant silver back gorilla, keep your head down, don't make eye contact, and if at all possible, give them as much space as they need to get around. Also, prepare for a constant stream of a fun game called "Am I as big as her?". This newly found game can be fun for young and old alike as long as you remember the one (and ONLY) right answer every time she asks, which of course is, "Are you INSANE? There's no WAY you're her size, and I don't think you'll EVER be that big!" Trust me. Follow that answer guideline and you'll always come out a winner. Now somewhere through the sea of urine samples, and the line of depressed/angry looking women lined up in front of the scales, lies your safe haven, the doctor's room, where if you're lucky, the doctor will be in to see you after a short (45 min) wait.



I feel obligated here to tell you a few things that may help you understand this next scene a little. I'm what some people call.....immature. I play with the little stick thingies in the jars by the sink, try and assemble and disassemble the lady parts model then try again to beat my fastest record, and yes (to Jen's chagrin) I laugh every time I hear my wife say vagina. I don't know why I do these things, I'm sure it'll go away eventually....



So the doctor comes in a let's us know that all is going as it should be, everything seems normal, including Jen's growing hatred for all things sweet, and then they talked about some stuff where I just kinda zoned out for a bit (sorry hon). Oh and if you were wondering, yes they did say the magic word, and yes, I did try my best to stifle the bouts of laughter. But then after the obligatory squirt of insanely cold goo, we where able to finally hear Peanut! He was pumping away at 150bpm and (next to Jen saying "yes" when I proposed) was the best I've ever heard. It was like he was sayin "hi, I'm down here". I think as we were leaving, we both were grinning like the criminally insane, and floating on cloud nine. And as we were leaving the office, after the gauntlet had been ran, I can now look back and say, "It wasn't really that bad....." See ya soon everyone!